This week's thought and our 2026 opener is one of my many nerve-racking questions.

Who are you when you stop managing other people’s comfort?

I remember when I started this thinking space over ten years ago, back when it was called Inspired Lives. It came from a desire to express thoughts I wouldn’t dare share publicly. Ironically, sharing private thoughts online for the entire world to see completely negated that fear.

But, I digress.

Many years ago, I found myself in the uncomfortable position of managing other people’s comfort at the expense of my own for a prolonged phase of my life. A lot of factors shaped me that way, and that is a nod to the Power of Influence, environment, and the expectations we absorb as we grow.

We learn who to be by watching the people around us. And when those people are habitual caretakers and pleasers, it doesn’t take long before we become the same. An apple doesn’t fall far from its tree. Identity is rarely formed in isolation.

I told myself it was kindness and love. But over time, the cost became obvious. Neglecting your own needs does not make you generous, it breeds resentment.

When I ignored my own feelings to keep others comfortable, I felt empty. I disliked myself for it. I felt taken advantage of and blamed the people and environments that benefited from my silence. Most of all, I resented God for creating me that way.

I don’t know when it happened or what finally broke. But one day, that mindset loosened its grip. And the freedom that followed was disorienting, and undeniable.

Letting go of the expectations I had placed on myself, and the ones others had projected onto me, opened the door to a more honest existence. I have fewer people in my circle now. That part was unavoidable. People who benefit from your self-erasure rarely celebrate your independence. Their discomfort was immediate and glaring.

Still, I am saner. Things are brighter. There is clarity where there used to be guilt. When I stopped managing other people’s comfort, I had room to hear my own voice again and notice what mattered, revisit passions I had abandoned without realizing it, and say no without rehearsing an apology.

It wasn’t instant, but it was necessary and well worth it.

This isn’t a guide or a grand essay meant to liberate or educate. Consider it a nudge to sit with a question that rarely gets asked bluntly.

In this space, I’m not offering answers. I’m inviting you to notice what surfaces when you stop managing other people's comfort. Stay with the discomfort long enough to learn something from it.

Who are you when you stop managing other people’s comfort?

If you cannot answer that question, then things aren't as you may think; in fact, this may indicate a deeper complexity within the situation that deserves more attention and thought.

Who are you when you're with yourself? Who are you when you're with others? Are you the same person, or do you change to fit the expectations around you? Do your needs stay present, or do they disappear the moment someone else enters the room? Are you sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of those around you, or are you prioritizing your well-being, perhaps to the detriment of those you care about?

It's a new year, and I like to think it's exactly the right time to reflect on the experiences of the past twelve months, considering both the challenges and triumphs that have shaped who we are.

There is no moral here, nor is there resolution waiting at the end. Today's post is an invitation to pay attention.

This is where I leave you, by asking you again, who are you when you stop managing other people's comfort?